My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
