Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
