His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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