I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
