Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
