Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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