Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There are leaves in my underwear?
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