Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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