Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
