thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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