i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
