I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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