The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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