It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
