Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My penis needs a shock collar
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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