So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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