WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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