told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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