Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
