My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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