Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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