plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
