The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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