Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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