Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
