yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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