Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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