Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
