no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
