So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize