I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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