Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
