Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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