she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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