You kept calling me your small dog last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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