IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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