i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
