I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
