Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
