If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
