three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
