if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The best revenge is premature balding
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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