I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
