we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize