I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
