Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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