I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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