You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
