Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
