this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
