Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
