umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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