I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she peed on how many people?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
