4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
