Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they're like a gay fantastic four
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
