Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
