apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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