My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
