apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
