Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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