you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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