So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
