Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize