He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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