Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
