Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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