Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
