I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize