It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
