Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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