I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
