I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
