What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
