Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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