operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
