True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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