Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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