Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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