I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
