M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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