Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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