My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
