OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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