i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
