Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
