please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
