You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
