I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
