Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize