Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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