OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
