If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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