yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
