If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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