I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
