thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
