EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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