The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
