I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
