I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just threw up on my dentist
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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