I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
