This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
