The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize