Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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