So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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